So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
