Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
