It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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