Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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