its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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