My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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