You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
