i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
