those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
