if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
