What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
