He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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