im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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