Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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