Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
