how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
