I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
