dude i'm inner monologue high
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize