Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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