I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
