It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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