Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
