Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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