So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
