He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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