i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
