wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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