Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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