have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
