Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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