I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
