I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
