If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
