He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
