I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize