jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
