The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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