I heard we made out
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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