im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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