where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
