You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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