I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
