he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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