Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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