Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
