This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize