He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
