and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
