she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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