I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize