Your dad touched me again.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
