Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
