who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
