And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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