Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
