More tranny stories later!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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