im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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