My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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