I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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