So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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