Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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