part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
