oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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