gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
