dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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