nut hugger
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
