My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
