may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize