I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
