You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
