i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
