Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
