More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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