i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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