i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
