apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
