I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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