goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
