i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
