i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize