i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
