the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
