I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize