I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
