Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
