you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize