I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
