it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
