you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
