this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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