I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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