So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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