2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
