she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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