8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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