So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
