so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
