What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
