be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
