I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize