i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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