watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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