I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
