Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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