walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize