I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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