the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize