he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
