Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
a search helicopter?!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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