Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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