so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
